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  • Writer's pictureMaddy Rain

Muses Inc. Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

When creative juices run dry, there is no time to waste! Come on down to Muses Inc. We are the muses fabled in Greek mythology. The very same muses that Homer himself called upon to write the STILL famous Odyssey. And we are here to help YOU! Writer’s block no more! We are happy to break down those walls and fill you with inspiration to get those papers written, that paint painted, and those musical notes flowing.

Below are some of our most frequently asked questions. If your question isn’t listed below, please feel free to contact our support team and they will be happy to assist you.

What If I’m on a Tight Schedule?

We know that you humans often set unrealistic deadlines for these types of artistic ventures so if you are on a tight schedule, we provide everything that you need right here. Not in Greece? No worries! We have offices all over the world! Call now to make your appointment at a location near you!

So, I have an appointment with the muses, now what?

Don’t worry! Our agents are here to walk you through the process. Depending on the length of the project, you will need to bring in a sacrifice of equal or greater value. Don’t worry if you don’t have time to find any virgins or livestock, we have a surplus that are only waiting for the right project. Their blood will spill, and you will feel those creative juices flow right through you. You’ll feel as if you are only a vessel and your ideas have taken on a life of their own. Please be aware that for our services to work, you will have to make the sacrifice yourself. If one of our assistants were to sacrifice the animal or virgin, the muse inspiration would naturally be transferred to them.

Where Do You Get Your Supply of Sacrifices from?

For legal purposes, we cannot reveal where our sacrifices come from.

I’ve Been Charged with Second Degree Murder, How Do I Get in Touch with Your Legal Team?

Please be aware that we cannot protect you from legal action if you are caught in the act of sacrifice. In most places, sacrifice is quite illegal and although we provide the sacrifices and the means of which to perform the sacrifices, we will not admit fault nor confirm association in the event you are caught. This is clearly laid out in the contract you signed with us at the beginning. There will not be any legal intervention on our part. Best of luck in court!

Oh My God, I Killed Someone

If you are here seeking counseling after the sacrifice, we have agents standing by. We know that sacrifice is part of the old ways and many of you will not be able to come to terms with the death that you have created. We have people who can walk you through this process of accepting that they died so that your artistic vision could live. And in the long run, who is really going to miss a few virgins – they weren’t getting laid anyway.

Is There Any Way to Use Your Services without Murder?

Many of you have asked this question. The answer is simple. In order to provide a good or a service, there must be an exchange, no one ever does anything for free. Here at Muses Inc., we require a blood sacrifice. The energy needed for such creative endeavors is always a soul. If you don’t have the soul to give to your project, we will find a new one to instill into your piece. If you are squeamish or don’t like the idea of ending another creature’s life, we understand! Feel free to abandon your project and go get a real job, you hippie. As for any creative project, blood is required. What are you willing to sacrifice?

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Jake Townsend
Jake Townsend
Jan 29

Thank you for anticipating every one of my questions throughout this onboarding experience. I am feeling much more confident going into my court date.

I am hoping the surplus of poetry and short stories this sacrifice has fueled will be ample enough evidence to clear my name. It would be unreasonable (dare I say it - recklessly negligent) to sentence someone to prison when they have such stunning results in-hand.

Thank you Muses Inc.!! I'm signing up my daughter to try your services next. She is interested in flash (or is it slash?) fiction.

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