
EMPTY APPETITES
By Maddy Rain
This collection of poetry explores feelings of unrequited love and the pain of being trapped in a loveless marriage.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Click the links below to jump to a specific poem.
They Say
They say that I’m too good
Too good for them
They say that I can do better
Better than them
And so they say
They say that they are dangerous
Dangerous for me
They say that they are no good
No good for me
And so they say
But I have no say
Then they walk away
Away down the street where we used to talk
Hand and hand
With dreams in our heads
Now I drive in circles down this damned street
As you head downtown to a little shop
The shop that we used to like
Cause you said that you were no good
No good for me
Cause you said that you were dangerous
Dangerous for me
And so they say
That I’m no good
No good at all
They say, you could do better
And so they say
But I have no say
No say at all
In what they say about me
Little Things
I take apart these little things
I pull a string
And come undone
Lying crumbled on the floor
All the king's horses
And all the king's men
Keep thinking
I'm over it
Keep saying
I'm over it
I've let it win
Again and again
This fragile cycle
Of love's revenge
I'm spilled on the floor
And I keep thinking
I'll never be the same
But I will take these broken little things
And stitch myself anew
Little Dog
I’m like a little dog
Every time I see you, I light up
When you come home from work, I run to the door to greet you
I wake up beside you every morning but when I see you
It’s like the first time
My heart swells with excitement
Even after five years
I’m like a little dog
Because I’m desperate for your attention
I follow you around the house
Needing to be in the room where you are
Just near you
And when you say something to me or touch me
I’m elated
I’m like a little dog
Because when you lose your temper with me
It ruins my whole day
I run and hide
I won’t come out until you assure me
That you don’t hate me
I’m like a little dog
Because when you’re gone
All I do is sit by the window and wait for you to come home
I’m like a little dog
Because when you snap at me
I don’t understand why
You’re rude
And short with me
And I don’t say anything
I shrink away
I must deserve it
I’m like a little dog
Because no matter how many times you hurt me
I run to you
Because no matter how hard you drive me away
I come back
Because I’m too dumb to see
There’s something else out there
Something better
I’m like a little dog
And I belong to you
Hard to Reach
You call out
And I call back
Anticipation
Palpitations
And then I disappear
And I'm gone so long
Then I come back
Like no time has past
Only to disappear again
My bed in the living room
Rattling A/C
Fear of a hurricane
And water stained room
It makes me think of you
Reminds me of the time we spent
The days I pinned for you
Imagining you touching me
When I didn't know your face
But I've got dreams
So much bigger than me
I gave then up before
For a man whose face
I scarce remember
I cant start again
Until I do this thing for me
I'm hard to reach
Because I'm reaching so far
I'm besotted
With the dream
It's all I know
It's all I want
Consumed by desire
I can't think straight
Nothing will stop me this time
And so I'm hard to reach
Besotted
These small deaths
They t-t-t-take me
Every day when I think of you
You consume me
And I am not myself
Your face crosses my mind
And then I am at the pinnacle
Your name escapes my lips
A prayer
An offering
I wish upon
Good luck and bad luck
Just the same
For you are a fallen angel
The flood comes in at high tide
And takes me away
I reach my height
At the apex of your being
You are both
Unreal
And the only living boy in New York
Happiness Here
And I live in these moments
Still frame
In rapture
It never lasts
She always leaves
But I play it on repeat
Just to make it real
But it fades
And it comes again
And it overwhelms me
But I have all these plans
And I'm no good
Obsession
With a dream
That may never be
But I pour all my life force
And I build my sand castles
As reality dwindles
I trade substance
For fiction
All the damned time
When I could reach out
And find happiness here
Lesson's Learned
I think of you now
Only so often
You come up uninvited
Like bile in the back of my throat
Your memory is tainted
My heart and stomach twist
When I think of you
Of the way I let you treat me
The way you never apologized
Only twisted things
You told me
“You always make things my fault”
And somehow I believed you
Fell for that line
But it was just you refusing
To take the blame
To accept responsibility
You were a liar
A manipulator
The best in the business
You convinced me of your truth
That I was nothing
And I deserved your scorn
There will always be he said/she said
I’m the villain in your narrative I’m sure
Perhaps you’ll read this and think me the liar
But seven months sober I’m certain I’m not
Seven months out of your web
Seven months away from your spell
I’ve sobered up
And the lesson’s learned
I was sick and you made me sicker
Made me think I needed you
Fed into my vulnerabilities
You made me feel small
When I was tall
Laughed when I said I’d leave
Said I could never live without you
Laughed when I wanted us to go to counseling
Dismissed me as overemotional
Dismissed me as a person
It wasn’t til now
Wasn’t til a friend said to me
“It was hard to see
Hard to watch him abuse you”
And I curled up inside myself
And the walls came crashing down
And I finally stopped blaming myself
Because I remember
I remember it all
Why don’t we drive through the night-
I asked for simple things
-we’ll wake up down in Mexico
But you refused me and abused me
Oh why? I don’t know nothing about-
Took from me what you liked and tossed the rest aside
nothing about no Mexico
Sex my only currency, me the blow-up doll
And tell me why.
I asked you to stop. To treat me like a person.
Why won’t you love me for who I am where I am?
But you could never touch me without reaching for more
Because that’s just the way the world is baby
You devalued me and dehumanized me
This is how I love you, baby.
And you left me broken on the floor
This is how I love you baby
But that is not love
So you lied again
You never loved me
But the lesson’s learned.
Empty Appetites
It’s not quite right
When I rest in his arms
It’s not quite right
And it’s not quite you
My heart feels empty
And my mind is blank
I just know that it’s not quite right
I just know that he’s not quite you
Maybe it’ll never feel right
Maybe it’s all in my head
Maybe these empty appetite
Is all I’ll ever know
An aching, a longing for something
Something I can’t reach
These empty appetites
Keep my stomach hollow
Keep my heart cold
These empty appetites
Keep me reaching for you
But you’re not quite right
Because I’ve changed you
Warped you in my mind
You’re something else
Something pure
Something holy
But I will never know
Never know how it feels
Never ever will I know
You’re a ghost of a time forgotten
A specter of an idea
You are magic and myth
You are all that I am
And these empty appetites
Will never be satisfied